My Dear Ayatollah.
Recently an online poll conducted by the leading contemporary American publication The Onion figured out I am the most appropriate candidate to represent the 300 million American people and the people of Laos in the international arena. I beat The Anonymous in the poll, mind you. That is no small feat. And in this day and age of email, who needs to spill ink, right? I don't know if you are dead or still alive, I have not had the chance to google you up yet. But either way, I bring peace. I come as a messenger of peace. Disregard the anti-peace email sent to you by a defunct American club called Da Senate Republicans. The only thing that group does these days is run a Whites Only golf club in Oklahoma. No, I don't know where that is either.
As you know, peace is all the rage these days. There is a Nobel Peace Prize Winner in the Black House, the formerly White House. (Ever since he moved in he has been spray painting the whole place, no wonder Da Senate Republicans are offended. He does not seem to realize it is a guest house, not his house, his house is in Chicago.) He gives good speeches. One of them was about getting rid of all of America's nuclear weapons. He gave THAT speech after he had already won the Nobel. Methinks he might be trying to win ANOTHER Nobel Peace Prize. But then, I digress.
I hope the email to you by Da Senate Republicans ended up in your spam folder where it belongs. And that is pretty much it. That one act alone will do much for world peace.
The Opinion Man kept in high regard by The Onion