Looking At White Women: The Search For Vocabulary
These are observations made from Nepal to Kentucky to Indiana to New York City and a few places in between. I hope it feels more on the light side.
First the obvious stuff. I believe in love. I am happy for everyone who can find love. Love is hard to find. Communication is hard enough when people are actually talking. People can go through large tracts of life without feeling the love. Some people go through an entire life without feeling it.
Why two people hook up, only they know. They don't have to explain it to any third person. A relationship is a private thing at the core of it.
But relationships are not islands, and if they are, they float in the social seas.
There is the personal perspective: individuals unique as snowflakes create relationships unique as snowflakes. There is the social perspective: you might still pick the person but society decides who is in the room.
There are short term relationships, there are long term ones, and there are those that last forever.
But here I am going to talk about the cross-cultural, inter-racial stuff. This is really interesting to me because more than 99% of the Nepalis in America are not my ethnicity, and more than 99% of the Indians are not my ethnicity. And there are so very few Nepalis and Indians as it is. And I have a sharply defined individualism, I am big on personal space, and so, all else equal, I think I'd rather go mix. In my world, you start with the person.
But if 99% of the people stick to their own kind, it must be that they make the big decision before they make the small decision. The big decision is to make sure the other person is the same particular cultural, religious, ethnic, racial background as you. And then you make the small decision of looking for shared interests, shared passions. That is my social observation.
My big thing to look for is political consciousness level. The average white person is racist. The average brown person is its mirror image: an internalized racist. In my personal space, I can only entertain the post-ISMs individual types.
But while you go out and about, you meet characters. A lot of them look like white male matter, but not always.
This is when you might just be looking. Say you just started a conversation with a white woman. The border patrol guy feels a strong urge to verbally slap one or the other or both.
When you mistake a Ms. 99% for a Ms 1% and hit on her, she knows exactly how to get that intense sense of white belonging. All she has to do is beckon the bodyguard. He will reprimand you.
The matchmaker is not really a matchmaker, but rather a bodyguard or border patrol guy, but his ways are different, rather the opposite. Instead of suggesting don't be looking at the white woman, the matchmaker will invade your space and try to hook you up, or invade space to try and "enhance" the relationship. What he is really doing is he is messing things up. The end result is the same as when the border patrol guy might go to work. The matchmaker's goal also is to prevent.
The Why Not Me Guy
You start talking to a white woman, and especially if the why not me guy knows the white woman, the why not me guy will step in. I thought you were taking time off, but if you are looking for a man, I am a man too, why not look at me instead? Why are you talking to this guy? The implication is why look at a nonwhite guy when a white guy is around. The why not me guy is really a border patrol guy, because obviously if the white woman had been into him, she would have talked to him first.
The Why Not Me Gal
Oh, so you are into white women? I am a white woman too. That is the thinking. And some totally random, perhaps unattractive white woman will start hitting on you for no reason other than that she saw you talk to another white woman who perhaps you were interested in.
The why not me gal is the female version of the why not me guy who thinks as long as there are white men available, why is the white woman looking elsewhere?
That is usually some white guy with some authority, some social standing, some prestige, some popularity, he is usually older, so he is not exactly romantic competition and is not trying to be, but if the white woman be weak enough, she will fall for him, as in she will fall for the fear, confusion and doubt that he will sow in her mind. She will step back.
These are the roomful of Mr. and Ms. 99%s. To them the Mr. and Ms. 1% are people from another planet. They are people who have crossed the line.
The pedestrians treat their value system like they treat gravity: it is just there, everyone knows it. If they were strong, they would be more open-minded, so they don't bother the Mr. and Ms. 1%s with backbone, but subject the lesser souls to occasional social indignity.
Ms. Quantum Particle
The Ms. 99% value system goes one way, the Ms. 1% value system goes a different way. It is hard for water to become steam: energy is required. So when the energy level goes down, the steam falls back into the pot as water. It is not unusual for someone to act like Ms. 1% some of the time, and Ms. 99% the rest of the time. It is not possible for Ms. 99% to have ever liked you, but Ms. 1% might have taken a look. The pedestrians shower enormous love on the Ms. 1%s who might finally have found her way and come back into the pot. She is like, wow, this is the love I was missing.
Mr. Right, Ms. Right
More and more people are going inter-racial, cross-cultural. That is the growing trend. Once the right person is found, many of these issues go away in that both recognize it as just another relationship challenge.
Maybe you just not have found the right person yet, it is not about race.
The right person will try and fathom the challenges that come not just with your individual identity but also your collective identity.
How To Handle
Define and claim your space. Communicate well with the person of interest. Once in a while it is okay to issue a verbal slap back of your own. You will be amazed by how well it works.
Realize that it is not all about race. If someone rejects you for your race, they just made your task easy. That is NOT the right person for you. Next. But if you have found the right person from a different background, talk about race like you will talk about other relationship issues like contraception perhaps. Communication is the lifeblood.
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Obama in striking distance of nomination as Clinton loans herself ... Hindu, India a decisive win in North Carolina and a near miss in Indiana ..... prolonged contest appeared to be nearing its climax, with Obama, a 46-year-old first-term senator, now less than 200 delegates short ...... West Virginia next week, followed by Kentucky and Oregon. ..... she had again loaned herself money, this time $6.4 million (euro4.12 million) in the past month. ..... Clinton had loaned herself $5 million in January. ...... it was time for the 270 remaining unaligned superdelegates _ party officials who are free to vote as they chose _ to take sides and settle the race. ........ Obama winning 56 percent of the vote to Clinton's 42 percent ...... In Indiana, she eked out a win with a margin of 51 percent to 49 percent ..... his delegate total reached 1,840.5 .... only 217 delegates at stake in the remaining contests ...... The protracted and often bitter nature of the race has hardened divisions in the party, according to exit polls from the two states. A solid majority of each candidate's supporters said they would not be satisfied if the other candidate wins the nomination. ....... Fully one-third of Clinton's supporters in Indiana and North Carolina went beyond mere dissatisfaction to say they would vote for McCain instead of Obama if that is the choice in the fall. ....... In both states, Clinton won six in 10 white votes while Obama got nine in 10 black votes ..... West Virginia, with 28 delegates on May 13; Oregon with 52 and Kentucky with 51 a week later; Puerto Rico with 55 delegates on June 1, and Montana with 16 and South Dakota with 15 on June 3.
Obama wins most delegates in Tuesday's primaries The Associated Press just 184.5 delegates shy ...... Obama has a 167-delegate lead among pledged delegates. ..... Clinton leads in superdelegate endorsements, 270.5 to 256, though Obama has been chipping away